A Year Later.....

Wow. So much can happen in a year....but not much really. I have been able to work recently and I have been happy with that but lately I have been getting down lately.

So I have officially hit the four year mark.....There was no way I thought I would be here. As a matter of fact I thought I would be working on number 2. I have been sticking with accupuncture. I have stepped away from the doctors for my own sanity but I am starting to feel sad again that I am not "doing" anything. I want something work. I have been trying to keep the faith but it is starting to wear thin.

I'm back.
Costa Rica=Awesome
Break=good idea
Accupuncture=wonderful
My Husband= priceless

Still on this journey..........

Back on the Radar

Still taking a break of some sorts but back to posting.... more about goings on for now. One thing I am going to do is Metformin. All my tests came back OK so I will try this for now. I am still going to meet with a nutritionist and see their opinion but for now thats the plan.

In great news, my husband and I are going to COSTA RICA! It will be a great getaway and I have heard nothing but awesome things about it. Our anniversary in in 5 days, so we decided to treat ourselves. Granted we aren't leaving til November but we can celebrate 6 years anytime right?

Getting a little better

It has been a while since I wrote. I just needed a break away from it all. I am so grateful for all the supportive comments and for the incredible support and kind words from my friends and family. This time has been very hard for my husband and I truly appriciate it. We have not made any decisions about what is next besides taking a break from all the doctors and diagnosis and just getting back to "normal"

So for now I am going to focus on getting myself healthy( for real this time). Lose a little weight and just naturally get my body in shape. My doctor wanted me to start metformin which is usually used for patients with PCOS. I don't have this but she thinks this may help. I still am not sure if I going to take it but she said we could try it. It may help, and can't hurt. But again this makes me feel like an experiment.

I am going to go to a new accupuncturist who was recommended by a friend. I think starting something new will help me as well.

I just can't shake this sadness

I really thought I would be getting better. I think what is hardest is the fact that I don't think we can afford going further. I am so angry. I am relatively young, have a lot of eggs ( as they say) and yet nothing to show for them. All the doctors are in a quandry and have no idea what's up. They say I am not PCOS but my ovaries function that way. At first there was too much medicine then this time too little medicine.
Sometimes I just feel like an experiment. I wish there was an answer. They has options to go further but I feel like they are guessing and I just can't go through this financially or emotionally on a guess. I can't function and I feel like I am just floating along. I don't know where to turn. I think I may seriously need some help.

It's all over....

Our egg didn't make it so it's over before it started. I can't explain the pain I have in my heart today. It feels like an unending abyss.

Meanwhile, This morning was a mess because my cath got clogged and I had to change it again. I still have a huge clot that is slowly breaking up. But if it doesn't keep progressing I will have to have minor surgery.

I just don't know what to do what comes next. My husband is so strong and so amazing but I know he is hurting too. I am just numb.

and theres more.....

I had to go back because I couldn't urinate and the little I could get out it got prtty bloody. I was not sure where it was coming from but I knew nothing was on the pad. I called the doctors office and she told me to come back in. She put a cath in (oh boy) and it wasn't draining correctly. As she looked on the ultrasound she found a huge blod clot 5cm in my bladder and realized that was blocking the tube. So we had to take it out and try again with a new one and it seems to be working but I am terribly uncomfortable and I had to travel home with a bag....(really??)

I feel like today is a nightmare that just keeps going. I just don't don't know how much of this I can take.
I guess the one good thing is that they said my egg is progressing and for my husband to go back in again.