Better today. Strangely calm

I am 5dp6dt. My beta is on Monday. Strangely enough I have no desire to POAS. These past few weeks I think has taught me a little patience...or I am just wore out.

Today, I felt a lot better, I think it is because I spent some time with my friend yesterday at lunch and just distracted from it all. My car had a poopy couple of days and I had to leave it at the mechanic. I was really tired today. It was so nice outside that I felt a little guilty taking a nap before I went to perform tonight but it was so worth it.

Not feeling so hot or hopeful today

I woke up feeling poopy today and really sad. I can't explain it but I can't seem to shake it. Maybe this is the prometrium or leftover hormones but I just don't want to feel this way. My husband is so good cause he being optimistic but I hate that the cramping I have been feeling just feels like failure.

A week from today I will know for sure. I hate this. I hate waiting. I hate crying in the corner so no one will know and then putting on a brave face.

Tomorrow I will try harder. Ijust really want this to work.

Day to Relax

Had a very relaxing day and nice lunch with a few friends. But pretty much layed around. Oh and of course watching the NFL draft.

It was absolutely beautiful out today so the lunch on the terrace was lovely.

Also lots of meditation and mantras. 9 days and counting...

Made it to Beautiful Blast Friday!

I woke up about 6AM this morning because I just couldn't sleep. It was beautiful and sunny outside and ging up to 72 degrees. It took them a while to call to tell us whether or not it was a go. So when they did at 9AM I think I could of thrown up I was so relieved.

I immediately started downing a ridiculous amount of water because I afraid I would not be able to fill my bladder in time for the transfer at 11AM. I was mistaken. We drove to the office and I could harldly walk I had to go so bad. We got there at 10:35 and they said they were running a little behind so I just ran to the bathroom and went. I immediately started chugging more water.

At 11 they brought us back and my husband put on the paper coveralls and I put on the gown. They put us in the room and I layed down and realized I had to go again. Now I understand the whole full bladder thing but really??? I started to pee on myself so my DH went out and asked if I could just empty a little because I was not going to make it. She said I could just empty a little just make sure not to fully. So you know what kind of control that takes.

Finally the doctor came in and said we had one good blast and the second was also a blast but still a little slow. So they decided to transfer both but when we were going to do it the lab said the slow one wasn't looking to good so we just transfered the one.....I didn't care I was so happy to get this far. So he started the procedure and explaine deverything step by step. While they do it, the nurse is holding the ultrasound pressing against my belly. It was really uncomfortable because of course my bladder was bursting. I was so concentrated on the screen I didn't realized I started to pee a little on the doctor but I pulled back as soon as I felt it. They had me lay down for 10 mins to relax but as soon as I "relaxed" I couldn't stop. I was so embarrased. Doesn't get any sexier than this huh? Well when we left, I then went to accupuncture and went home to rest.
10 days til Beta. Now it's just time to snuggle in.

Good Distractions

Well I figured I have to fill my time to make Friday come faster. So TV is one. Lots of good stuff on. Today and tomorrow I will be doing a couple of stage readings and then I will be going to a Broadway show on Thursday. I will continue working on my friends shower and I think I will be working on my wedding album finally. My friend Allison made me delicious cookies yesterday and cookies always make you feel a little better. So thats my plan while I keep my fingers and toes crossed for BB Friday.

So....ET pushed

I was supposed to leave in a couple of hours for my ET but The doctor just called and said that my embryos are growing a little slowly and that they are pushing my ET to Friday (6dt) . I have 1 5-cell embryo that is poor quality and 2 that are 4-celled but are progressing well. She said that eggs that are ICSI'd on day 1 instead of day 0 tend to be slower or maybe not make it. But she did say that they can also end up being beautiful blasts. But I still have to be warned that they may not make it. So I really hope that my little fighters will make it to blast. I feel a little numb. My husband is so wonderful because he is really finding the positive in this all.

Another three days seem impossible but we waited this long right?

Thats what are next waiting game is: "Beautiful Blast Friday" .....and now back to my emotional roller coaster.

From 2 to 6 to 3......

When they looked a little later they found that 6 eggs were actually mature so they performed ICSI on all six and 3 fertilized so I am so happy with that number. My 3dt is scheduled for Tuesday at 11:30AM. SO now we are just cheering our 3 little embies along...grow embies grow.

Two little troopers

So we got the call today that two little eggies matured overnight. So my husband went this morning again and now we wait again to hear if they fertilize. I am praying they do.

Back from ER!

They got 19 eggs and I was so excited. But I got a call a few hours later from the doctor and she said that the lab said that they all looked immature. She said what they do is just leave them alone overnight to see if they mature and then I get a call in the morning. She said that it is unusual that this happens to all of them (usually happens in younger patients) but she has definatly seen success from these kind of cycles. I just feel numb. I can't stop crying. Why can't any of this be easier. They want my husband to go back tomorrow to give another fresh sample. Oh God please let my eggs grow.

To excited to sleep

Oh boy, it is 4:45 AM and of course I can't sleep. My ER is a little under five hours and all I hag were some weird dreams so I woke up and can't get back to sleep. I have been staying hydrated with water and Gatorade and I an feeling pretty good. So now I will just maybe watch some TV and try to fall back asleep.

ER is on Friday!

I am worrying about everything but Ok. My E2 levels are pretty high (4800) (it was 2300 yesterday). They seem to expect this because of my response but they will still keep close monitoring. My retrieval is set for 9:30 AM on Friday. My e2 levels are a high so they are having me trigger with less hcg (5,000 instead of 10,000). I don't have any OHSS symptoms, but they said you really can't tell until after trigger. But it is measuring correctly with the amount of follicles and their size (16mm-20mm). So my fingers and toes are crossed that all goes well and all this worry is for nothing.

I will be eating protein and chugging the Gatorade and water. But now just once again, waiting. Friday can't get here soon enough.

and now....

I went in today for monitoring and they see about 13 follies on both sides. Measuring from 12-17.5 The dr. told me I may be at risk for OHSS. They are going to monitor me more closely so I will be there everyday from now on. They have also lowered my dose since yesterday and then called later in the day and lowered it a little more. I hope all this works. I am trying to stay positive but I now have something else to obsess over. I have started chugging Gatorade. It's supposed to help but we'll see. Tomorrow I am going to ask what my E-2 levels are and ask about the option of coasting on Lupron.

So with all that news I asked the Dr what he thinks about approximate time for ER and he said Saturday so that is cool.

Moving right along

So went in this morning for more b/w and u/s. The doctor says that I have at least 10 follicles all measuring between 10mm and 11mm. So had a little change in medicine (she reduced the Bravelle) and I will see them on Tuesday. I am happy everything is moving along well.

But....as I was in the waiting area, I had fallen asleep on my husbands shoulder. As I opened my eyes I noticed this woman with her camera up pointed in my direction. I bent over like I was tying my shoes to get out of her camera view. It made me very uncomfortable. I mean what kind of nutbag takes pictures of people or anything in an RE office. When I approached her about it, she said she would never do anything like that. I promise you. I just walked away because I didn't wan tto start a bigger scene but ...Really???

Looking Good

Went in today for my first u/s and bloodwork since stimming. My doctor said I am progressing really well. They aren't too big yet which is good but it looks like 10+ follies and my lining looks good. I go in on Easter for the next check.

My accupuncturist also said my body is ready for a baby. So for now all signs are looking good.

Starting Stims

Pretty good day. Went in for monitoring and everything looks really good so now we start stims. It took about 15 minutes to mix (my husband was being very careful) and it burned like hell for a couple minutes but other than taht pretty uneventful. I am just happy we are starting. Now it seems like time will fly just thinking that there may be the possibility of a retrieval next week. It's crazy.

Also had accupuncture today which was great and relaxing. I just need to start taking it easy. I go back to RE on Friday to see how I am doing. So just positive mantras for now.

Oh yeah...expensive mistake

So I called my RE office and told them what happened. They said they talked to the pharmacist and they had to do some research on the issue. So this confirms I am probably the only fool out here that freezes Lupron. Anyway the answer ended up being I had to get a whole new perscription of Lupron. Good thing insurance paid part of it but it was still an expense we didn't expect. But it is a good thing we did it...the old medicine looked a little foamy.

So disaster averted.

Oh no, I messed up

So I finally think I got a hang of these injections, but I messed up. I went to see a friend in NJ today and I didn't think I would be home in time to take the shot at home. So as I have done before I wrapped it in a ice pack (the kind that never really gets to cold and kept it in my bag. Well four hours later when I take it out to use it, it was FROZEN!

I freaked out because the medicine says keep cool but do not freeze in big freaking letters on the box. I put it in between my breasts and then in a little bit of warm water. It took about 1 minute to thaw but I think it is ruined. It was too late to call my RE office so I just went ahead and took it. Under the assumption that they will tell me I am worrying for no reason. I will call first thing tomorrow. It doesn't help that I have cramps from hell. God I hope I didn't mess up bad.